Being Human

In this day and age Vampires, Werewolves and Ghosts are popular. We've got True Blood and the Vampire Diaries on TV, Twilight and a whole slew of cuddly Vampire films. All of which just seem to exist to annoy Buffy Fans and those of us that have read Bram Stokers Dracula.
Anyway in the middle of all this BBC Three came out with a story about three flat mates caught in the middle of events they weren't in anyway prepared for. Of course the three are a Ghost, a Werewolf and a Vampire. The Ghost is brand spanking new, as such she has a very limited knowledge about what she can do. The Vampire, disgusted after years of brutal death from his own hands, is trying to give up his blood sucking ways. Finally the Werewolf just wants a normal life again. All together they are just trying to be human again.
It sounds like a simple story but it's not. There is a hell of a lot of things going on behind it all. A planned Vampire Armageddon, a smug murderer, the meaning of death. That's just what comes to mind, and I'm not giving away any of the hints for the second year or spoilers.

Here's a trailer for the second year.



And the best of the three prequels



As shows go this is one of the better ones. It's a short, complex, character driven drama with a rich background to draw on. It has a scope and depth few others have. It deals with wider issues on an adult basis. It's not a teenage romance or a badly acted supernatural soap opera. With some shows fantasy elements like vampires are tacked on. You can remove them and, after a few tweaks, the show wouldn't really have any difference.
A good example is True Blood, which uses hatred for vampires as a thinly disguised metaphor for racism. Making the romance between the two leads another metaphor. Take the Vampire element out and you could just do it as a straight drama. You could even swap them for aliens and there wouldn't be much difference. Being Human explores vampires, werewolves and the supernatural. It just wouldn't work otherwise.

So in the new year we have eight new episodes. If you're in the UK tune in, if your not just wait your turn!


PS
I have to say if there is one thing that annoys me its the stupidity of the BBC. The first series has been released on DVD, but they didn't include the fantastic pilot episode. I want my pilot episode, George's speech about his feelings as a werewolf near the full moon is epic.

Rodimus Prime

The Matrix last time was only a part of a massive poser for a Fan fic I'm working on. Here's another part, a simple portrait of Rodimus Prime. Nothing more to say.

The Matrix of Leadership

Here's another piece of digital art from me. It's been a while since I've posted any of this. I just like the way the crystal centre has come out

Doctor Who update

Alright four things regards to Doctor who this last week or so so let's look at them.

Waters of Mars
Waters of Mars was fantastic, the Doctors continuous insistence that he can't do anything while bowie base one (heh) is destroyed by the Waters of Mars. It really dealt with the repercussions of time travel and responsibilities of those with that technology. It's just a shame everyone made the wrong choice. Yet again the humans involved are too narrow minded to see the big picture and end up fearing the Doctor. It's interesting to see, but in the end you just want to reach into the TV and slap some sense into the fools.
I'm reminded of the episode Family of Blood, at the end the nurse makes two points. They are very thoughtful, but if you think about it the answers, while heartless, make sense. The first point she raises is that the Doctor chose to hide rather than face the Family. We, the viewer, knows that it was out of kindness and compassion for his enemies. Not fear. She then asks if the Doctor hadn't chosen to land there would the people have died.
These are two themes from the Tenth Doctor. Even through his kindness people die. He truly is a harbinger of death and when he choses to fight back there is nothing he will not do. The second theme is this fear that people have of him, even though he is doing the right thing for everyone. It makes this version a tragic hero, even more so with his time coming to an end.
He loses everyone and everything because he does what is best for them, no matter the cost. That's why they fear him, they fear his sense of self sacrifice.
I think I will really miss this take on him.

Speaking of The End of Time
The two part end to Tennent's time as the Doctor promises to be a real storm. There is nothing he won't do, this time on his own has really effected him recently. Without someone to hold him back this Champion of Time is on the warpath. Okay here is my predictions for the story so spoilers:-

1:- Donna is going to be a lot more important than we first thought. I don't think she's going to just be a cameo.

2:- The Master. We know he is back, but I think it was Donna that picked up the ring! After all she was trying to catch up with the Doctor. Look at that hand again.

3:- The Ood. We know, from an exclusive clip during Children in Need, that they are developing too fast. Building vast cities in a very short time. Something is propelling them. Some unseen influence that is sensitive to time and I think it's friendly. Or at least close to. This is a long shot but I think the Matrix (a repository of knowledge of the Auto... sorry Time Lords since the beginning of time) survived the destruction of Gallifray and found it's way to the Ood. It might even have created them as it's own custodians. It's even possible that the whole race was, from the beginning, a Chameleon Arch construct to hide the Time Lords while their planet blew up.

4:- Back to The Master. This is different to point two so I separated it. This is about the moment he flickers in and out of reality in the trailer. Some people say that it's like a dalek gun, but it's not. My opinion is that the Master doesn't exist yet, but in fine Bill and Ted style he will exist, just as so as he gets around to it. In plain English he recreates himself with a paradox, by going back in time but if he doesn't recreate himself he won't exist. It's a paradox on this scale that is going to destroy two thirds of the universe and decimate time. Hence the plot of the two part-er.

Those are my four predictions for The End of Time. So by Christmas we'll know if I was close, no where near, or somewhere in between. At least they're out there

Alright third part. Sarah Jane Adventures series three
An uneven series that neither advanced the story from last season or degraded. It felt exactly the same with good stories and unremarkable ones. The season end was, while remarkably predictable and bland, but after the Doctors appearance everything would be. Still everyone involved put in a solid performance and did a fantastic job.

The highlight was undoubtedly the arrival of the Doctor. Coming across in his story like a whirlwind, but he felt oddly hampered. As if he had one hand tied behind his back. This was to give the SJA crew a chance to shine, but still you feel that if the solution was that simple the Doctor had the perfect opportunity not five minuets earlier .

The champion of this series was Clyde. Displaying a vast library of talents under his court jester personality, from artistic skills that won a national award to master chef style cooking. Daniel Anthony (the actor) shows he's got a fantastic range and has the ability, just like Tommy Knight (Luke), to make a living out of his performance. I would have preferred Rani to have had more to do, perhaps been the closet painter instead of Clyde. Growing from the simple Maria replacement she was last season, unfortunately that was not to be.

The worst part was undoubtedly the Mona Lisa's Revenge. Clyde's artistic talent (while I like the development) came out of nowhere at the beginning of the episode and you get the feeling it will never come up again. I'm struggling to think of a way to describe just how completely off the mark they got Mona Lisa. Imagine it like comparing the American Godzilla to the Japanese Classic version. As a matter of fact it didn't need to be the most famous painting in the world, without changing the script in the slightest you could have done it about any painting.

Just the drive my knife in a little deeper, for a show so buried in Doctor who mythology it missed the previous adventure involving the Mona Lisa. Namely that the only copy that survives has "This is a fake" written underneath the paint in felt tip (see City of Death).

So all in all SJA has it's flaws, but is still an enjoyable and entertaining show.

Fourth and final article to address. Dreamland
We're only half way though this animated episode but it really is looking good. A couple of years ago they did an animated episode called the Infinite Quest, it was a good addition to the series and took the story away from earth for a change. This is in the same vain and just like that shouldn't be dismissed just because it's animated.

Dreamland is set in 1950's America and makes use of all the Saucer men, grey aliens, MIB's and assorted other nonsense from that time. As you might expect it does the job with a flair and style. Tennent pushes his voice acting to almost unexplored levels of ham, mostly because the animation is so stiff. None of the fluid movements and subtle (or not) actions he's usually able to bring to the role.

Like Waters of Mars Anything I do say would be full of spoilers and while I'll do that out of spite with something I detest Dreamland is far too good. Even with flaws it's fun, clever, and well engineered.

Well that's it. More updates as they come!

Global Frequency

Alright, we all know how TV shows get produced. The Writer / Creator goes to a studio and gets them to commission a pilot episode. The studio watches the pilot and then decide to give them a season or not. Fairly simple. Problem is more often than not there are fantastic pilots that aren't given a chance.

It's ironic that studio executives (in the US) are usually the most conservative, unimaginative and unadventurous people in the world. They love formulas and often throw fantastic ideas away because they don't understand it. If they were more willing to take a risk, as say BBC Three has over here, we'd get some interesting and ground breaking shows. For example Being Human (which is now getting a US remake, shudder) and Torchwood.

In all fairness it's not all their fault, fantastic shows like Firefly, Dollhouse, Sarah Conner Chronicles, Farscape et all were given a chance. It was the American viewing public that didn't give them a chance and made them non-profitable. I'm not going to go into the whole chicken and egg mess of viewers and studio, asking who killed what and why. each show has it's own reasons for failing and that's not the point here.

What's this got to do with anything? What is the point anyway? Well back in 2004 Global Frequency, a TV show based on a Warren Ellis Comic Book, was given a pilot. It was never broadcast, and until it was leaked on the Internet no one knew what a loss this was. Now I can't say I've seen the pilot, if anyone knows a URL please add it to the comments, but I have seen a few clips on You Tube. It looks great.

Well the good news is that the CW, the channel responsible for Smallville, has re-commissioned a new pilot. Well it's in the air at the moment. By that I mean it can still be cancelled and shelved again, could be forgotten altogether or just unsuccessful, like the Aquaman pilot. Not ON the air, as in broadcast.

With any luck a new series will be made and it will live up to the quote "The Greatest Show Never Made"

Fast Assault Cruiser

Looking back the Fast Assault Cruiser was inevitable. Everything the Razel learnt about war came from humanity, a race so obsessed with improvement and upgrading that even though their space flight was short lived it spawned the largest amount of craft designs to date. With Earth's introduction of the heavily armoured Dreadnought class Broadsword the Razel knew they had to improve their power generation. This would give them more powerful energy based weapons and take less time to charge for a space jump.
Along with that there were developments in the Razel military AI. Through experience a select few Attack Ships had thrived in battle. They had developed tactics and knowledge that was invaluable in the field. Founding a Council of Generals these Attack Ships heard of the new power generator and designed the Fast Assault Cruiser.

Defying sense...

Alright, to the one person reading this Blog I just bet you want to know what I think of Defying Gravity. It defies all laws of writing and common sense. Now I like bad TV shows, heck I like Galactica 1980, but Defying Gravity doesn't even have the excuse of just a bit of fun...

Let's tackle this head on. It's dull, irritating and monotonous. No that doesn't quite cover it, pick up a piece of blank paper and stare at it for 45 minutes and you get the general idea. Eventually you'll see some sort of pattern, but that's just your imagination. What you have is basically bland and unimaginative people wandering about a giant space ship that's sent around the solar system on behalf of some strange alien living in pod four. Quite why they'd do that is the mystery of the whole show but lets be honest I don't care. No one does and that's why it's been cancelled.

So why is it so boring and dull? Because, let's face it, space travel is dull. Seriously, it's like being in the back seat of a car or on a ferry. You sit there and nothing happens, you can look out the window or play chess. That makes thrilling television, so rather than let a story happen they have to force it. First with the Mystery arc plot (the alien in pod four) and then with romantic tension between the cast. Both of those are long term arcs. So what about short term... well nothing. It's all foreshadowing and romance.

Back in the day Star Trek the Next Generation would, in an effort to save budget and show off it's actors, write a bottle episode. Where the cast would just wander around the ship solving a problem. This saves them having to build new sets and pay guest actors. They were padding, but they had some good moments in them. I mention this because that's all Defying Gravity feels like, one long drawn out series of bottle episodes.

Now my big problem with this show isn't the shear dull story-line, but it's science. specifically, and ironically how it deals with gravity. In a good sci-fi show were asked to accept gravity, it's not feasible to try and replicate zero gravity for a TV show so they come up with a reason. Be it a technological advancement with Grav-plating, gravity nets or other tricks like magnetism and rotating sections. Defying Gravity opts for the latter, building the ship with huge spinning arms. Unfortunately they missed the fricking point. Spinning sections send the G-forces away from the ship yet in every shot we get it appears that gravity is pulling towards the central core and not away.

I know I'm nit picking here, but if you're going to go out of your way to explain something at least get it right! Another suggestion for their gravity (in the bits that don't spin) is nano technology in their clothes, being pulled down by magnets. Now I can understand people not figuring out gravity, it's a bit complex in the end of the day, but magnets? They've been understood for ages and nanoscopic robots would be in trouble. Why? Because any magnet powerful enough to produce earth like gravity would rearrange all the ions in them. The result would be frying the robots like throwing bacon on a fusion reactor. Even worse unlike gravity, that is constant at what ever height that you find yourself, a magnets pull is more powerful the closer you get to it. With obvious results (if it's earth like at head height then at ground level it must be so much stronger making it almost impossible to move your feet).

So that's Defying Gravity. Pointless, useless and a waste of time that irritates anyone with a basic knowledge of science. Give it a miss, but I'm a masochist so I won't.


Coming soon:- Sarah Jane Adventures season 3 and Stargate Universe

Alright, this is something that I've had planned for years, literally. My Science Fiction novel The Other Side Of The Coin (working title only). I'm not going to give too much away I just want to show you this ship design and share a bit of back story:-

"At the start of the war the Razel refitted their vast cargo drones with small scale weapons, the goal was to use them as interceptors. Specialising in taking out their enemies missiles and fighters. Unfortunately their opponents quickly saw a flaw in this tactic and exploited it, overwhelming a single defensive angle and taking out the weapons first.
"In response the Razel developed Attack Ships. Small and extremely manoeuvrable craft with high speeds. Instead of small range weapons they equipped them with twined long range devices and two squadrons of fighters. While not as heavily armoured as their cargo transport brothers these artificially sentient ships worked in teams, fast becoming the most enduring icon of the war. Even after the development of the Fast Assault Cruiser and the humans legendary Lancer class Super-carrier..."

Flash Forward.

Ugh... Thanks to the glory of on demand Television for the internet I have been able to keep up with Flash Forward. The latest in the US stable of painfully plot-less, over blown and long winded mystery shows. Please shoot me now. Like Lost, Heroes and 2003's Battlestar I am left with a deep feeling of despair at every plot development.

The forgotten ancestor of this "new" trend of sweeping arc plots and adult mystery is, believe it or not, Babylon 5.



I adore B5 and still think it's one of the best shows ever made and as a work of fiction belongs along side Asimov's Foundation Books and J.R.R. Tolken's work. There are reviews all over the internet of Babylon 5, trying to remind people just how epic this show was. It's scale was galactic, spanning more than a thousand years. Vast war's where giants would stride across the stars, and personal battles with addiction. All this took place on and around a single Space station over five years. With a small set cast we came to know and love.

Babylon 5 worked for two reasons. They are simple and missed by all these new up and comers. The first is that EVERY mystery had an answer and that answer not only made sense but had been written and decided before the question was asked and the bred crumbs made. There are no plot holes, no solutions pulled out of thin air. Everything was carefully structured and put together carefully in an intricate web. You don't get that these days, often even when you do get an answer that makes a lick of sense it doesn't fit with what we already know. Then they pull out the "Oh it's sci-fi, it's not supposed to make sense" card. Just because it says "what if" doesn't mean you can out right ignore common sense and reality. It's called suspension of disbelief, not down right killing it and then dancing an Irish jig on it's corpse to Scottish bagpipes playing Waltzing Matilda!

The second part was characters. You got the impression you were watching people. They had highs and lows, friendships were forged and tested. They had flaws, hopes, dreams, pasts and loves. You felt sorry for them, feared for them. You watched them develop from who they were into who they became.

This spate of shows recently don't have characters, just a random mash of personalities. There are so many of these half formed identities running around. You can't relate to any of them and only remember a handful of names. You don't get lines or acting like this:-


That comes from the character, not the story line. That's how you write drama. Babylon 5 has a lot to answer for, it still over shadows everything that comes after it. Like Doctor Who in British Sci-fi or Star Wars.

In summery Lost makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. The mystery can never be explained to anyone's full satisfaction. From this we learn that we should have a sensible answer to a mystery before writing it.
Heroes has such a large cast they can't develop any of them and flitter about like the editor has ATD. From this we learn to write for charicters and connect with your audience.
Battlestar Galactica pulled plot developments out of it's arse. Never explaining plot holes and going out of it's way to introduce more. Ending the series by throwing everything on Deux ex Machina. No seriously they just said a God like creature arranged the whole thing and pissed off down the pub. What we learnt from this was stretching out a plot line artificially and not having the time to finish it is extremely annoying and alienates the Audience.

Flash Forward seems to have learnt none of this and is treading the same path all the others have.

This is a dark time for TV, soap opera story lines and pointless, aimless, stories that develop nothing. I'm so glad I can watch DVDs and Cartoons...

Oh for FUCKS Sake II. Missing the point

There are very few things that have me cursing. As I posted before, Lana Lang is one of them. Another is someone completely missing the point. Actually Smallville completely missed the point of Lana Lang, and romance in fact. A romance is supposed to be between two equals. Superman's love for Lois Lane is a humanising factor, made more believable by Lois's forceful personality and attitudes.

Anyway back to my point. Life on Mars US. Living in the UK I get really irritated when Americans remake our popular fiction, missing the point entirely. Life on Mars was more than another police drama. It was a testimonial and homage to British police dramas of the gritty 70s.

In the 70's there was a rebellion against the the button up, smart and cool spy image of James Bond. His exact opposite. While on the surface these officers were the lowest of the low, swigging beer and whiskey like water and calling women "slags" at their core everything they did was for the public good. Locking up criminals after beating them to a bloody pulp. Unfortunately the US version missed this. Why, because they didn't have the Sweeny, they had Starsky and Hutch. Buddy cop dramas. Their history is nothing like ours, we didn't have Vietnam, Watergate or hippy peace protesters. We had Mods and Rockers. Stones Vs the Beetles and the British arts and music scene. We have nostalgia for that time. It was a cultural boom. Anyone in America have nostalgia for Vietnam?

So the premise is not only retreating what's been done but are going over a dark time in US history. can you make it worse? sure. Spoilers here but in the end they turned it into a holodeck malfunction on their way to mars. I'm not kidding, seriously. A holodeck malfunction. Forget the leap of faith or the ambiguous meaning of life lets just make it a holodeck. I'm getting rather peeved just remembering it.

The same sort of thing happened when they tried to remake Doctor Who over there. They changed it from a horror science adventure to a bog standard sci-fi action show.

Look why don't we just try and forget the whole idea of exporting shows over to America. They just don't get it, just send them the originals and let them keep it. After all the BBC aren't remaking Star Trek are they?

Here, one of my all time favourites just to clam me down.



Ahh the 80's they were cool either side of the pond!

Oh for FUCK'S SAKE!

Smallville is sort of a guilty pleasure of mine. It's reliable rubbish. Half fun, half annoyance and despite it's more stupid moments can still be enjoyable.

Tom Welling pulls off a fantastic Clark, at moments he's almost as good as Christopher Reeve. Rosenbaumb's (sorry for the SP) Lex Luthor is a fantastic villain. Showing that true evil doesn't recognise itself and is a journey, not a destination. Allison Mack is an amazing actress, making the most unbelievable exposition seem sensible. It explores Kryptonian heritage fantastically well. Making it a rich background rather than a convenient device for explaining Clarks powers. Most importantly of all it shows how Superman became the hero we know. It makes the impossibly powerful and almost godlike Kal-El a human at heart.

Still that doesn't excuse one blistering carbuncle that has festered in the heart of this show for more than eight years. Lana FUCKING Lang. This poster child for recycling plots spent the first six years as the victim, just screaming at anything that moved. "Clark save me!" and all he does is make moon eyes at the empty headed moron.
Kristin Kruek is the most annoying, brain dead waste of screen time I have ever had to sit through. She irritates the crap out of me. She can't act, is no where near as attractive as people seem to think and can't FUCKING act.

I was over the moon when I heard that she wasn't in season 8. At last the story could develop. Seven god damn years of pain and suffering could end. Clark could move on, we'd have development. Sure we'd have to put up with the scars and occasional mentions but that doesn't matter. New stories. It might get better, after all any story was made so much better by not including the hated one.

Now for a lot of reasons I won't go into I don't get digital or any more than the four basic British channels. So I get Smallville and most of the other US shows a little later (a year or so) than if i did. Nothing important, I can catch up on DVD. So I was excited to pick up Smallville season 8 this week. Spacing out episodes I've now see more than half way though this season. Even without Lex it's still showing a massive improvement. No longer running around in plot circles and some nice acting.
It was also good to see the relationship between Clark and Lois blossom.

Then along comes the one actress, other than Megan Fox, that I would insult. Kruek. Get rid of her, do not bring her back. Obliterate the slagging bitch. Okay maybe killing her is a bit extreme. Just the character. I can't stand her anymore, I just want Clark to move on and throw her out. Arse first into a meat grinder. Only then can the stories develop and the show work better. If we learnt anything from X-files it's that a will they won't they, on and off again romance has a limited shelf life. Four or five years. After that it can only go one way.

I just hope before season end she is gone for good.

Edit
She is, only a few episodes later. They found a way to get rid of her. Spoilers here but infecting her body with Kryptonite might not be the most original way to drop kick her out of his life, but at least it was total. Ladies and gentlemen... she's gone and good riddance.

If I'm honest one of my main complaints is the chemistry between Welling and Durance (Lois Lane) and how the constant flittering back to Lana is getting in the way. Those two have great onscreen chemistry and Durance's Lois is one of the best. She's no one's damsel and even when captured/kidnapped/in trouble she's still sarcastic witty and a real match for Clark.

Lions ID Cards first draft

I'm working on some ID Cards for the Rossendale Lions. Now these are very much a first draft and it is anything but finalised. I just wanted to share the first draft.

Just because....

Doctor Who

Okay then it's been a big week for doctor who and it's only just Monday. The new series of Sarah Jane Adventures is kicking off next week, (the new trailer is online can be found Here) They're also gearing up for The Waters Of Mars later in the month and this years animated short Dreamland that's coming just as soon.

So Who fans are on tender hooks right? yep, so they've decided to go one or two better.

First of all the above image has come to light. I'm a red blooded male so three guesses where my eye was first drawn too. My god the Doctor has a reputation for picking up attractive young women, but oh dear. What a pair of legs she's got (what did you think I was talking about?). We've seen her in a previous episode as one of the Sisterhood so we know she can act. After a bit of research on Matt Smith there's more than enough proof that he's also a good actor. Next year is going to be awesome.

Still to come is tomorrow. On the Official Doctor Who site we're going to be introduced to a new logo. I can't wait, I've always found the current logo a bit silly. There's too much wasted space between the letters and it doesn't have that timeless class the 70's logo has. Ahh well with any luck it will be cool.

Edit:-

It is cool, fantastic!

Scrapbook Reviews Episode 01:- Introduction

Here's an introduction of something new from me.

Scrapbook Reviews

Enjoy

Welcome to the Dollhouse

Welcome to the Dollhouse, where nothing you know is what it seems.

Every twist and turn is unforeseen. Plots, labyrinthine in their complexity, are muti-layered. more importantly they have a resolution. Both short term and long term.

Welcome once again, don't get lost along the way...

The Last Starfighter

I have one question for those of you who do read this thing, but first he's a little background.

Among the films I saw in my childhood an odd little film called The Last Starfighter sits quite high in my all time favourites list. It's a fairly standard coming of age story where a young man is lost in middle America. His name is Alex and his future looks grim. While he is a bright and skilful person he needs a chance to prove it.

So he spends his free time playing the one arcade machine in the trailer park where his family lives. A game called Starfighter. Only not all is what is seams. The game is, in reality, a combination of training simulator and testing platform. By beating the high score Alex comes to the attention of the alien that built the machine, Centauri.

From there Alex is swept up in a galactic war, with the fate of thousands of inhabited worlds hanging in the balance. As he is The Last Starfighter

Now there are better films. Better acting, better scripts and more realistic visual effects, but this film is fun. It achieves it's goals and does it with good humour an solid morals. Everything I want in a film. I'm doing a video review of this cult classic, at least I want to and here's my problem.

As of now there is both a HD-DVD and a Blu-Ray release, in region 1. That means NTSC and completely useless to me here in the UK. What makes this worse (ohh yes, it does get worse) is while there is a basic DVD release (and even a Special Edition Widescreen version) they too are only available in NTSC.

Here's the question, why the hell haven't they released it for the UK Market. I know for a fact it's got enough of a cult following to warrant it. so what is it that that stops it from being released?

That's the question, anyone have answer?

Childhood memories. The Muppets

You know the good thing about You Tube, occasionally you can find the old memories. You know those old TV shows you only half remember and no one's bothered to realise them on DVD yet? Or if they only had it out for a short while and now can't get hold of it without paying though the nose.

Now, elsewhere, I have talked about how I remember watching Battlestar Galactica as a child and how it influenced my mind and sparked my love of Science Fiction. I've also talked, again elsewhere, about how I first caught a glimpse of an episode of Transformers and it made me seek out the classic show. To the point where I now collect them and enjoy the characters. What I've never touched upon is my first TV memory.

Phenomenon

It wasn't that, but I still love that sketch. It's that one song I have stuck in my head at the most in opportune moments.

Mahnahmahah

Still not that, but I have to share my neuroses sometimes.

Back to the point, my first TV memory was watching Sesame Street. I'm not too proud to admit it and it played a big part in my mental landscape. You see as well as the above something I haven't talked about is my love of puppets. If you know me away from computers you know that along with videos, books and an ungodly amount of cast plastic I have a lot of cuddly toys. I can't throw my voice or stitch worth a damn, but I have a load of hand puppets.

I worry more than a few of my friends and colleagues when I turn up to meetings with dirty, bedraggled hand puppets that look inquisitively around. Hundreds of these "people" loiter around my house. Rascal, the crafty ol' Fox that's afraid of Bat's and his wife Vicky Vixen, but nothing else. The twin polar bears, Artos and Gwinny, that got lost in a snowstorm (true story!) and hate the cold. The Irish SAS Cat, Patrick O'Pheline (don't ask, seriously, that one confuses even me). Torquil, the old hedgehog that's spikes have curled up and enjoys hibernation so much he does it all year, unless there's a ham sandwich near by.

That's just a few, I haven't scratched the surface. Needless to say they are all individuals and great fun to live with. When they turn up things around here take a turn for the mad. Torquil was the first and they sort of exploded from there, but why?

When I first watched Sesame Street I loved the Muppets, from Groucho the Grouch to Count Von Count. I laughed and loved the show, cheering when ever Big Bird ambled on the scene. They weren't puppets or lumps of felt, they were people on the screen, each with nuances and personalities people to this day remember. Moving on, as I grew up I found The Muppet Show hilarious, jokes that were so obvious and built up through the whole episode had a pay off and the delivery would always be fantastic. No matter how obvious or predictable the joke. Again the Characters jumped out of the screen and became memorable. Fraggle Rock, another example, was just fantastic Children's TV that even I over look sometimes but deserves all the praise it can get.

As part of our cultural heritage Jim Henson's creations were fantastic. Then he went on to make shows like The Storyteller (with no less than the fantastic voice of John Hurt as the narrator) and films of epic genius like Dark Crystal. Even after his death in 1990 Henson's company continued to just be frankly awesome.

All of these are made with puppets, complex, extravagant and beautiful puppets. They aren't for just children, the jokes are clean but great whatever age you are. There are some things you should never grow too old for. I'm glad to say I've rediscovered the awesomeness that this represents and before I go back to watch my Farscape DVD's I want everyone who stumbles across this to remember not how mad I am but how great this guy was.

Now what got me on this rant was simple. Over here in England calling someone a Muppet has become an insult. Like saying your an idiot, quite frankly I think this has to stop. We need to, how do you put it, "Take it back" Muppet isn't an insult. It's a battle cry for originality, creativity and glorious creations.

Animal

AniMal

ANIMAL!

Ps

who can remember the Muppet show without this.

The Final Countdown and Time travel Video.

When I was very young I saw a film that I could only ever vaguely remember. This film was called The Final Countdown . It features time travel, the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbour and a dog. Done in 1980 it is a frank, honest film. Well made for the time and a rarity in 80's sci fi in that it was aimed more at adults than children.

In the 80s' it was a common mistake that science fiction was for kids. As such it was all action based and adventure stuff. The original Battlestar Galactica for example actually had to have elements shoe horned in specifically for children, to distract from the holocaust and acts of genocide.

Well after seeing it on TV recently (but missing the first hour, annoyingly) I tracked down a DVD copy of the movie. It really is a lost gem from Science fiction's past and I loved it. Sure the plot twists are predictable and it does feel slightly rushed in places, but it's been a long while since I was exited by a real dog fight. Especially if it was between F-14 Tomcats and Japanese Zeros. These were the days before CGI so instead of cutting corners they rebuilt the vintage planes and filmed it LIVE. (I miss that sort of film making and want it back).

Long story short, its a great film and anyone reading this should see it. If only once. It's thought provoking, intelligent and all together very clever.

Another thing I've been meaning to do for a while is produce a video review of a movie. I've got the equipment and in fact filmed three separate sequences but none of them have turned out right. I just end up rambling and miss the point. I'm also not funny enough to get it right. Well watching this film has given me another idea.

Coming soon a video overview of Time travel in films. I'm going to be going over various forms of time travel and their effects. Both in reality and their own cannon. I'm going to touch everything I can, from natural time travel to man made. From spinning the earth backwards and sling shooting around the sun to strange warbling boxes in the corner of the room.

It's going to be dangerous, confusing and an Ultimate guide to Time travel. Keep your eyes open...

Darth Vader's Psychic hotline

This is funny, have a look. Trust me

http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/darth_vaders_psychic/

Try listing all the references. I just love the B5 stuff, most people forget that show these days!

All Creatures Poster

Here's a poster I've designed for a Buffy Transformers Crossover I wrote some time ago

Amazon Star Trek Review

I wrote this review for the Star Trek (2009) movie on Amazon.co.uk and just wanted to share it here...

The big problem Trekkies have with this film is it re-writes history to the point that the original series never happened. This point of view is plainly silly and I prefer to think of it as cementing the original timeline. From now on the original series, Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Voyager and all the previous films are untouchable. You can still buy the DVD's, enjoy the shows whenever. Only now the creators have an empty canvas, unhindered by decades of back story we know backwards. You might notice I left Enterprise out of that list above. That's because I think it belongs in this new time line, after all they went out of their way to reference it.

Alright, now that's out of the way lets look at the film. It's not what you expected. If it was I congratulate you. First of all the cast. They fitted the roles perfectly, sometimes too perfectly. At times it felt like they were trying to pull off impressions of the original actors. While they did bring a few new aspects I would have liked to have seen a bit more.

The ship. Ahh the ship, originally every Star Trek ship was designed by artists. Inside and out. As such they were a reflection of the times. From the 60's block colours to the 80's creams of next gen and the dark moody look of the 90's DS9. It was more interested in style and substance came in a strong second. As long as it looked good we were fooled into thinking it worked. This film comes at it from a completely different direction and because of that the Enterprise feels like three different ships. The exquisitely crafted outside, the advanced habitable saucer section and the brutal pipe riddled construction site engineering section. Each look like they belong to a different ship,, it doesn't gel together right. There is no transition from steam punk boiler house to over lit corridors. Made all the worse by shaky cam direction. There's almost no consistency here, jarringly confusing and distracting. The only other ships we see are polar opposites, Spock's Jellyfish is a triumph of style, but looks out of place in the Star Trek universe. It's design is too alien and has no connection to Vulcan designs we know of. The Romulan mining vessel looks far too fragile for it's purpose. All those spikes and edges are just bits to brake off.

As mentioned elsewhere the plot had more than a few holes. Why was there a twenty year gap between the mining ship and Old Spock's arriving? At any point did Starfleet command question how a washed-out cadet with a history of disobedience gets thrust into command of the fleet's flagship on the voice of one man? Surely there must be more Vulcans out there, somewhere, not just the handful of thousands that got off the planet quick enough. They don't detract form the film but if you think about it there are a lot more that just don't make sense.

The direction, as I touched on, was more than a little distracting. Shaky camera technique and Fly-on-the-wall style filming works well in a modern drama to add realism, or a horror to bring a point of view to the audience. But not with something like this. Star Trek is too fantastical to be realistic and J.J. Abrams is just a little to heavy handed with it at times. Having the opposite effect of what was intended and actually taking us out of the movie by wanting to see more of what is going on. There is also an over reliance on lens flares to build atmosphere. Yes it made the film stand out and gave a nice dichotomy between the Dark Romulans and bright Federation, but we could all do without the symbolism.

With all these negatives you'd have every reason to hate the film. What stops you is the shear passion on the screen. Everyone involved knew they were working on something a great many people feel very passionate about. It had the right mix of humour, character development and drama to be entertaining. To feel like a worthy successor to the legacy. It didn't drag or feel rushed, despite you wanting some parts to be expanded on.

As a film it's solid, as a story it's interesting. As a fan I enjoyed the head nods to continuity and could accept the new actors because they pulled it off. Of all the films out this summer this was one of the best, far better than the disaster that was Transformers 2. It's only real sci-fi rival this year is District 9 and that doesn't have half the fun.

No Simon Pegg for a start (who's Scotty stole every scene he was in, even from Nemoy!)

The Imaginartium of Doctor Parnassus

When I was very much younger I had a VHS video tape. It was of Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2 on the same tape. I'm telling you this because on that tape there was a trailer for a film called The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. To my shame I haven't been able to find a copy of this film but I love the trailer, it's so lovably insane. When you realise it was co-written and directed by Terry Gilliam, the Python responsible for Jabberwocky, Time Bandits, Brazil, Twelve Monkeys and directing the Python film Quest for the Holy Grail you know it's insane

This guy is the most insane director in Hollywood and most of the time is films are so crazy that people don't know what to make of him. Honestly, he makes Tim Burton look stable.

This is leading up to my thoughts of a new film from the Pythons lead animator:- The Imaginartium of Doctor Parnassus. Here's the trailer

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/5702544/14942419

Yes this is the last film Heath Ledger worked on before his death, he had only filmed about half of it but they found a way around this. Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrel stepped in and took over the role in different parts. In other words the shear acting power of this move could eclipse the sun!

Now I don't often go to the cinema. It's a lot of effort and money for something I'm going see on DVD a few months later anyway. I'll still, on occasion, go out of my way to see a few films. Transformers 2 was one and so was Star Trek. This is only the third film I KNOW I have to see. Hell, everyone has to see this film.

Sword Arm

Still working on my animation

I've been practicing with arms and weapons in my own little nuanced style. While I would like a more colourful pallet to work from it's actually hindering the realism and style. So I've mashed together my two prototype versions to see what looks better If you have an opinion please leave a comment.

Revolution of the Mask, Issues One and Two

Don't worry if you haven't heard of this comic. It's produced by a small independent company called Brainscan studios (www.brainscanstudios.com) in the US and only available over here online. I came across it because the writer is also a comic book reviewer on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com, a fantastically funny site that is also the reason I've not been updating my fan fiction as much as I would like.

The writer, Lewis Lovhaug, is a fantastic reviewer and you can pretty much guarantee he knows more about comics than you do. He's an expert on them, simple as that, and this isn't his first excursion into the world of writing. So, as you may guess, I was looking forward to reading the first two issues.

Well now that I've read both and I can sum them up in two words:- Decidedly average. Not bad, not brilliant. Just average.

I don't know what I was expecting, as much I wanted to be amazed at how awesome it could have been I was always a little uneasy with the preview pages. They were all bland and minimalist, in both art and scripting but I acknowledged that with each issue being 23 pages long some corners would have to be cut. Otherwise that sort of length is just too much work.

The first thing I'm going to do is point out the art. When your going for a minimalist look you need a clean style that makes an impact and this has one.

Personally I'd like a little more to the backgrounds, there is a bit in there already but it's so little you can't help but reckon it's trying to make a point. Drawing attention to itself more than subtle statement background art really should.

I would also like something a bit more abstract or artistic. There's not quite enough to make it feel real. So make a statement with the art instead , making it leap out of the pile. There are more than a few hints that the artist knows what he's doing with shading and light, if they would just use it a bit more.

Both of these are personal points and aren't necessary important to the enjoyment of the comics, but I'd still like a little more substance behind the pencil work.

The difficulty, I'm sorry to say, is the writing. Well first the story is obviously inspired by both V for Vendetta and The Dark Knight Strikes Again. There are other examples. but those two should give you the right impression. If you're not familiar with them think Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four meets comic book characters. We've seen it all before, right down to the average man on the street joining up with the heroes and learning all about them.

Now an exceptional writer can take this sort of fairly bland premise and make it interesting. In all fairness there is quite bit left to the story so there is more than enough time to that. My problem here is in that 23 pages per issue I mentioned earlier.

That means we're 46 pages in and there is nothing I couldn't figure out or deduce from the 8 preview pages. Yes the characters are a little more than the usual two dimensional fare and little bits 'n' pieces have the taint of interesting ideas, but nothing grabs you like it should. A few nice moments come from a handful of in jokes and references scattered across the work, but they are few and far between and are almost there in spite of the story.

The biggest problem though comes in the second issue and it is one I've come across in my own work. Size of cast. A small, tightly knit, cast of characters gives you more time to explore and flesh each one of them out. That means more empathy from the reader. Here we have a massive cast that just appears out of nowhere. Each one's look inspired by other, main stream, heroes. Where did they come from? Who are they? Do any of them have special powers? These are questions that are just going to get in the way of developing the people we should care about. In a self contained story the less characters the better. Supporting roles follow the same rule, less is often more.

Another thing is it's a little too preachy. A good story needs a moral, a lesson to teach. It gives the story direction, a heart and can hold it all together, but that's not what a story's all about. It's also about people. People we care about, people we are made to care about. Here we have a message, but we're sort of missing the caring about people side of things.

So, the first two issues don't live up to their potential. With luck, and my faith in the writer, it may pick up and there are hints of something bigger on the horizon, but for now leave it be. Don't get me wrong it's not bad, I don't regret buying it... I would just like to enjoy it a little more. Maybe that will come in future issues and I'll be getting them as well, mostly to support the writer and independent comics in general.

If you want to support the writer and his work, have a look at his blog:- http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/

PS His Web-Comic, Lightbringer, is however much better. Give it a read

Pals animated maps

Here are some short animated maps I produced from scratch for an un-broadcast documentary I was involved in. As well as providing the graphics I was the lead editor

Watchmen part two. The ending.

Alright. My problems with the ending of the Watchmen film.

Okay first factual problem, it wouldn't work. With the world on the very edge of nuclear war several cities exploding in mushroom clouds will not stop the war. It would in fact kick start it, at least one knee jerk reaction from an idiot would be to press the button. Bye bye world, see you glow in the dark from several light years away. If, you know, I didn't live on the irradiated lump of rock in question.

The reasoning behind Adrian's plan is severely flawed, let alone the results. With Dr Manhattan around there is no cold war. He could turn Russia's nuclear ordinance into sugar. Or custard. Even spinach for crying out loud, there is no threat here. The story is pointless.

The same faults are in the comic but can be ignored easily due to the skill of the writing. It's that skill that's lost here.

Right now on to my number one problem with the ending and take a deep breath and try to follow me here.

I mentioned in my first half that Hollis Mason was dropped from the film after one scene. I also mentioned reflections, how something in one part shed light on to something later. Both visually and literally. This is where Mason's plot comes in and is needed. In the beginning of the Watchmen comic we got chapters of his book, written after his retirement from costumed crime fighting. It's easy to ignore that to save time, there is even a whole Chapter in Watchmen devoted to these memoirs. The Director exorcised all that to save time, unfortunately this all reflects on the ending.

More specifically Rorschach's journal. We have to ask what would happen if people did read it and did believe it. With Mason's book the result was everyone knew he was the first Night Owl. This is directly responsible for his death at the hands of uninformed hooligans, who think he's the same one that has freed Rorschach.

The message is that if the book is published the uninformed and ignorant would attack. Undoing all the hard work of Adrian's masterplan. Rorschach wins, at what cost? well its steep is the only answer.

Have we won or lost by sacrificing our morals? That is the key question and it's your opinion, there is no right or wrong answer to that. Instead, with the film, we get Night Owl shouting how wrong it is to deceive humanity to save it. Saying it's a debasement. What is the point of having an ambiguous ending when you try to shoehorn a moral into the thing with a crowbar and a sledgehammer? This is the third problem. If you're just going to slavishly follow the comic with blind obedience you don't just make a left turn when the book takes a right. It's jarring, pointless and misses the point.

I know I'm sounding like a fan-boy of the comic and I am but I can't separate the two. With V for Vendetta I can accept it as a different point of view from the book. A such it becomes a different story and both can be enjoyed. You can say that the book inspired the film rather than a straight lift. The same with I Robot. It's not Asimov's work but is inspired by it. While both films weren't good as the source material they were better than you thought of them as different thing.

Not every film version of a popular book can be Lord of the Rings. If you can't follow the original with a religious fury, be it length, convoluted plot or in the case of Watchmen just being plain unfilmable put in one sentence at the beginning. "Inspired by... "

Fanboys would find the smallest problem and rant about it for days on end (as seen here) Add "inspired by " and you solve everything. You'll still get the fans but you can always smile at their rants and say the original is brilliant we want people to read it, just look at ours as well.

This is the biggest problem with converting one art form into another. You are going to change things so accept that. Don't just follow that thing like a slave and wonder why you don't do well in the box office when the only people watching know the books backward and secretly wanted something new

Sketches Part two

These are two more sketches. These done from photo referances from two of my freinds

The first is of Claire Watts

and the second is Stuart Parry

Lions Title Animations

Pull

And Jump

Two short little animations for the lions website, both done exclusively in Motion, before I got my own dedicated graphics software

Dragon Hat Animation

Knowing I was going to do more animations in the future I decided to build a sort of title card. I called it Dragon Hat because I like Dragon's and hats... Nothing of a surprise there

Magica

Here's something I did several years ago for collage.

I'm currently in the process of up dating and re loading this as a wide screen and in higher quality so keep your eyes peeled

Animation Sketches

One of the many projects I'm working on is a short animation / comic strip. I thought you might like to see a couple of early sketches.

These are only early starts but I'm working on building up a style. And this is the bad guy, or at least an early version of him...

Watchmen Film and comic review

People probably won't like me for saying this, by people I mean Zack Snyder, but I didn't see the watchmen film in the cinema. Why you may ask, if you happen to be reading this which I don't think anyone does, it was because I didn't have the money. I knew I was going to get the DVD so there wasn't much point. I'm going to do the same thing with the GI Joe movie. I'd like to see it in the great big screen but I don't have the money or the free time.

So a quick review of the original graphic novel:- It's stunning. (Quick enough for you?)

It is well written and structured fantastically, not just from a literal standpoint but artistically. You can't just read it once, there are visual clues throughout the book that call back to previous pages. Events for one character mirror events elsewhere that have no real connection. There's a whole sub-plot revolving around pirates and a marooned cannibal that just comes out of nowhere. To be honest I don't know why I'm telling you all this, if you don't already own a copy I can't implore you enough to go out an get hold of one.

Read it, there's a good reason why it's the first "Graphic Novel" and not a comic book collection.

There are two main themes at the heart of this story. The first is reflection. Everything involved, everything you see and read, is a reflection of something else. A reflection of the past, of the future, of the script, of a blood splatter, of the cold war, of ourselves. I could just go on, but I won't, you get the message.

The second is it's moral, spoilers here but Adrian's plan is designed to save the world from itself. He does this by, believe it or not, by faking an alien invasion from another dimension on the eve of global nuclear war (this comic does not do things by halves!) He does this by getting rid of all the superheroes (or "Masks") so that they can't stop him from teleporting a genetically engineered Squid into the the centre of New York. Killing everyone there. The outrage and fear of attack unites humanity.

This plan amazingly works and we end with the moral, finally. Is it morally right to let the ends justify the means? Think about it. This guy kills millions in one fell swoop, but the result is saving billions. Did he do the right thing?

In the end this moral quandary it's far too big an issue for the surviving Masks and they just fall into shock and apathy. All but the anti-hero Rorschach, who is killed for his refusal to compromise. This is a difficult question to describe let alone answer, so it's no wonder we don't get one. Instead it's left to us to answer. A nice twist, the ending is left to us with the final frame of Rorschach's memoirs, will they reveal the truth? Do we want them to? Should they? Geeks still debate this today and while most like to think Rorschach wins you have to ask what will be the repercussions.

In all this is a stunning book and if you do own it you should re read it NOW.

So what of the movie? Well there's a large problem from the outset. There is no way you can fit everything from the book into a two and a half hour movie. You have to leave bits out. The loss of the pirates is fine, it's a narrative indulgence we can survive without. But what is lost with that is half the really good imagery, the stuff that made a movie a good idea.

Narrative short cuts are also strange, there is a lot dramatic licence taken with the original. I could buy that it was to remove some of the more graphic brutality from the film, but then there's nudity and bloodshed everywhere you turn. They also go into great detail with the rape sequence, which could have been handled with care but instead is handled with a brutality that is needless. When it's rape and I think it feels overly brutal that's worrying. compare that to editing out Hollis Mason, the first night owl. In the book he is killed by an uninformed street gang high on drugs. In the film he just vanishes.

This is my real problem with this film, too much was lost. Almost all of the more cerebral elements were also thrown out. The point of re-reading the book even years later is you see something new, or old from a new angle how it does that I don't know. I've tried watching Watchmen three times now and I don't really get anything I didn't the first time.

However there is three things that make this film bad. and I wish I didn't have to point these out. First, slap bang in the middle of the film we have President "Nixon" (who looks nothing like Nixon) in a big black studio room with a round table and giant screens around the over lit heads of government departments. Everyone has a phone and they are discussing nuclear war. Sorry that's Dr Strangelove, one of the best black comedies ever made. I don't care if it's based on actual records or a homage, use the classic people gathered around a computer screen trick. It's better for the plot and not reminding us of a much better film.

Second; the director slavishly follows the art of the comic book, going as far as to frame every shot perfectly. Sorry I've read the comic book, I know this, I've seen it before. If I wanted the Comic in video form I'd scan it into my computer and do a Powerpoint presentation (that might be fun actually). As much as V for Vendetta was unfaithful to the original comic (again by Moore, what is it with Hollywood missing the point of his comics and pissing this genius writer off?) you could separate it from the source material and call it a good movie on it's own merits. Unlike Watchmen that is far too faithful to the original, to the point that it is utterly pointless and you should just READ THE BOOK!

Third is a paradox. After slavishly following the story, what it shows of it, it's like they lost the last act and just read the end of the plot from Wiki. Making Manhattan appear to be the bad guy is just stupid. What are the governments of the world going to do? Attack a man that can rearrange matter on the atomic level? No they think he is a God and will punish them if they are bad. So they live in fear... Fear of a faceless entity that could attack anywhere... and the centre of New York is destroyed ... I can't think what that's reference to... (all right yes I can and I ain't touching that with a barge pole)

The plain fact is at the end of the day this film is just ridiculous, it could have worked. New angles and fresh perspectives years later. It wouldn't have been the original but it would have been an interesting take. This movie was made pointless because it brought NOTHING new to the story. Unlike, as I mentioned earlier V for Vendetta. If you want to see Watchmen read a graphic medium, don't spend millions recreating something that has already been done brilliantly the first time.

Did we learn nothing from the 1998 Psycho remake?

Coming soon Part 2

Why Watchmen's ending just doesn't work...

Causing mental PAIN

Still some how better than Episode 1:

Torchwood, review

What can one say about Torchwood? I think Charlie Brooker put it best:- "It's a school kid that's stayed up past its bed time." I agree, all the rudeness and silliness comes off like a bunch of children, choking on cigarettes behind the bike shed while flicking through their older brothers' dirty magazines.

It's obsession with being "adult" is, ironically, childish. When it does touch adult issues it's handled with comedic effect and then forgotten about a couple of episodes later. Unless it's part of the arc plot, in which case you'll never hear the end of it. Take season 2, the main arcs were "Owen's dead" and "Jack's brother is back" and we never heard the end of it. Owen whining that he was dead became more annoying than the critical character development it started off as.

This brings us to Torchwood's second problem. In the first season you really wanted Owen, Ianto and Tosh to be written out. Maybe not drastically killed but, like Martha Jones, put out to pasture. You could call on them later, but they were far too two dimensional to care about or like. I even joked about hitting them with an ice cream truck (it would have been funny... at least funnier than the "jokes" from the first year). I wasn't the only one, a lot of people called out for better characters.

So what did they do in the writers office? Listen to us of course, they developed Owen, Tosh and Ianto into people practically over night. Ianto became a wise cracking assistant who was confused about his sexuality. Owen, after having his heart broken, gave up chasing every woman he came across and became a sensitive and caring man who you actually liked. Tosh, while still chasing Owen, became more rounded. More than just "scanner girl" she became mistress of computers(!), hacking her way though government secrets with skill and when that failed cooking up plans that were almost frighteningly simple in their brutality.

Oh and then they killed the lot off as well.

When you kill a character, especially one you've spent so much effort in making us like, you want some sort of emotional impact. That's why you do it one at a time, give us chance to adjust to the new dynamic before butchering the next one. More importantly have a reason, not just angst for the main characters. A heroic sacrifice saving thousands. The death of a character is the end of a story and the start of the next one, not a obstacle to be overcome.

So we know the two biggest problems with Torchwood. Let's take a look at it's latest offering Children of Earth. The five hour long mini-series in place of the third year. In effect it was a five hour episode, a reminder of the 60's Doctor Who adventures that would go on for hours. Unfortunately those shows were better. An independent script editor could have cast a glance over Children of Earth and cut it down to three episodes, with work you might even get it down to two (at the end of a season, after dropping hints as part of an arc). That works out at about three hours worth of padding out of five in total. Painful to sit though and pumping the extremely basic story out to the EPIC length you'd expect a better one to be.

Sort of like novel-cuisine, there is so little development you think every last piece is an act of genius, wanting more because what you had was so small (sort of like the second series of Heroes, but I digress).

Eventually after three days we learn what is happening. Great in film time where days can pass in minutes not in "real time". Waiting three hours for some sort of logical story is not thrilling or dramatically interesting. It's boring.

Keeping your leads in the dark is a good way to keep things dramatically interesting. Keeping you in the dark builds tension. Both, at the same time? You end up shouting at the screen for something, anything. The smallest morsel of plot. Development, something other than the government acting like collective arseholes.

So in the last hour or so we get it. One massive roller-coaster of plot twists, life changing decisions and break neck turns. Lets look at them:-

Killing Ianto. After the most useless character (introduced as some sort of unrealised homosexual foil for Jack's libido) became one of the best and most well liked they kill him in this. I know the writer was probably aiming for a Doyle (from Angel) like sacrifice but it felt more like Tara from Buffy. I can't think of a single Buffy fan that didn't like the stuttering, shy, lesbian witch. She was brilliant and the actress pulled it off brilliantly. The same can be said for Ianto, after the first season. Everyone thought it was a bad idea to kill off Tara, despite the massive bucket load of character development you got out of it. Ianto's death did nothing, nothing that couldn't be achieved elsewhere. Slap bang at the end of episode 4 he dies from a virus. Showing us what would happen if they don't give in to the alien demands. Yes it illustrates a point, but the same could be done with the death of everyone in the building but Ianto and Jack. Jack's later angst could have been achieved with continuing development of everyone involved. Ianto's death was pointless and should never have happened. Simple as that.

Steven, Jack's grandson, again dying. In the constrains of the plot it made sense. It's a wonderfully dramatic moment and it should have been interesting. Instead it fell short on two points. The first was we've only just met this kid and there's been so little about him we don't know or care. He's been a background character all five hours and when he was on screen he was a millstone around Jack's neck. Next when you sacrifice one person for thousands, mathematically it works. This is true, however morally it is wrong. To correct this problem would have taken all of one scene. It would have been an emotional kick in the teeth and need some good acting. In summery Steven knows what is happening and what is being asked of him. With tears in his eyes he agrees to die. A willing sacrifice. All the moral problems are solved and it would resonate through out the whole dam show.

Finally Jack Harkness. This man has lived for how long now? I'm only 23 but I know that running away from your problems never solve them. Just leaves them to fester. Deal with an "issue" as soon as they come up and you can move on. Otherwise you're stuck in a never ending cycle. Or to put it simply:- 'You can't run away from your problems.' So what does Jack try and do? Run away from his problems. What a idiot.

Torchwood, like every product of a hackneyed writer in the history of speculative fiction, pulls out the death card whenever any sort of development is needed. Life is far more than that, go out live something... anything! I don't really care as long as the Grim Reaper can have a holiday.

So what did I learn from Torchwood Children of Earth. Quite a bit actually. From a writers stand point I learnt what not to do and how not to do it. From a moral standpoint I learnt all the wrong lessons and finally I learnt that if you're a government official you are selfish, egotistical and only out for your own back, but I knew all that already.

If I had to give it a score it would have to be 2 out of 5. The acting was good, the effects top notch and as always some character development. Just the over all plot and it's titanic holes that you fall through. Early on I would defend Russell T. Davis because the characters were good, they sucked you in and suspension of disbelief was easy. Unfortunately that isn't the case anymore and I'm glad he's left Dr Who. Roll on next year and it's fresh outlook.

Stop, its Captain Hammer time

There are very few films that have me screaming at the screen in rage.

Let me re-phrase that, there are very few films I have seen that have left me angry enough to be screaming at the screen. Usually I have the good sense to avoid them. One I didn't miss was Mildred Pierce, a 1945 film that I practically walked out of when it was show to me in college. It was insulting, degrading to watch and if anyone liked it I would suggest you check to see if they ever had a brain.

Another was A Knights Tale. It was so bad I did leave the cinema.

Why am I telling you this? Well while the last two were seen in trepidation last night I saw a film I wanted to see for a while. White Noise 2:- The Light. The cast looked interesting, Nathan Fillion and Katee Stackhoff (Mal Reynolds and Kara Thrace respectively). The plot could have been fun too, a man coming back from the dead is able to see who was going to die. It wasn't going to be Lord of the Rings but it might have been fun.

Oh boy... it wasn't

Okay, let's look at the plot, with a few spoilers. I already told you that Fillion's character (Abe) can see when someone is about to die. The twist is that if Abe saves someone's life that person becomes an agent of the devil, killing a lot more people exactly three days later. At first glance that could be interesting. It's not, but we'll get back to that later.

In the first five minutes Abe sees his son and daughter shot in front of him and decides to kill himself. After he is resuscitated he begins to see auras around those people who are going to die. At no point is this suicide addressed and it's neatly forgotten. In fact his only doctor is half crazy and happens to info-dump the whole "you see dead people" part of the plot before conveniently dying of a heart attack.

We next see Abe back at work (at no point are we told what his work is) where static on computer screens (urm..) directs his attention to those who are about to die.

Abe ignores all of this until an encounter with a homeless man who is killed on train tracks. He then sees the ghost of the homeless man and decides to stop it happening again. Saving people's lives give him a purpose (something this film was missing) and he saves three people. Including the pretty nurse that he had at the hospital, Sherry (oh hello Stackhoff).

Unfortunately we learn that Sherry has a crush on him (of course she does) and that, because the devil possesses saved people on the third day she's going to kill, like the other two Abe saved. Worse still she works with kids.

Of course she doesn't end up hurting anyone. In a mind bending final Abe ends up having to kill her for some reason that is never adequately explained, but gets killed by police before he can carry it out, in exactly the same diner his own family were killed (wha...?). With Abe dead Sherry is in shock and carted off into an ambulance, where she is promptly possessed.

Follow that, good it gets worse! Luckily for the bus full of old people and the tanker full of petrol the ambulance is heading towards (nuns and dynamite... not even original) Abe's ghost kills Sherry, freeing her and letting the ambulance miss.

Re-read that last sentence, I'm not kidding. Abe becomes a ghost and uses his powers of intangibility to kill her before the Devil can use her to blow up a bus full of old people. And that's the end of the film.

There aren't words to describe how bad this film is, it is horrendous. The acting is alright, mostly because I think Fillion is always charismatic and Stackhoff is just a great actress but everything else is so God awfully bad it should be avoided like the plague. There's no explanation, no sense or logic just empty stupidity.

Transformers 2 Revenge of the Fallen

I've seen Transformers 2. Of course I have, I'm a transformers geek and believe it or not I was looking forward to this even more than Star Trek.

So that was disappointing

Let's do a quick list of the bad and the good:- so first the extraordinary bad

Mudflap and Skidz:- these two should have been killed off. Painfully and preferably by been eaten by Sharkticons. They were racist, irritating

and if you want twin brothers go back to the original and resurrect Sideswipe & Sunstreaker. They had personalities rather than a hodgepodge of bad ideas.

The Mother:- The most stupid human on the planet, she makes Paris Hilton jokes look tame. I was so embarrassed to be in the cinema I actually put my fingers in my ears and hummed. Can she please die between this and the next film.

Generic Cybertronians:- One of the key points of Transformers was that everyone had a character no matter how lose. They were individuals and everyone had their favourite, so why is there's about a thousand generic Deceptions in the final battle, other than to explode.

Too many people:- What characters we do have don't go anywhere. We get one or two lines and then jump back to the pointless "Comedy" that drives you to boredom and disgust.

Megatron:- Megatron is EVIL, he is no ones puppet and will ruthlessly crush anyone. Making him The Fallen's apprentice castrates the guy. In one fell swoop he goes from being the greatest threat ever to a slight annoyance fawning over the chief bad guy... speaking of

The Fallen:- No, The Fallen is not the Liege Maximo okay? He's The Fallen, one of the thirteen original Transformers who was created to guard against entropy but betrayed his God-creator in favour of worshipping chaos. See a interesting character. The Maximo was a big fat slug that sat around plotting. In this we've got some sort of mix, pick one.

Now the Good:-

The fights were interesting. Sort of. What we could make out

While I could go on about how annoyed I was by the so-called comedy relief or how I could survive the gaping plot holes I've got another problem that I want to address in more detail.

Megan Fox.

Now a lot of reviews are saying the film might be bad but at least there's some good visuals. The CGI and this woman come at the top of the list. Yes she looks nice, but she can't act for spit. For the whole film she's set decoration so that people my age, that really should know better, can drool over her.

Being able to look "interesting" while contorting over a motorcycle doesn't make you sexy. The problem is this woman will end up with a handful of Sexiest Women awards. I'm probably weird but I find her about as attractive as road kill. All the lingering shots and robots humping her leg just advertise that she's a sex object. Women aren't objects, how many years is it going to take to beat that into Hollywood producers and hack directors. By making them vapid twits that are attracted to losers and prats they are glamorising willful stupidity. It's annoying.

In summery Transformers 2 is not for Transformers fans, or good taste. It's a popcorn movie designed to waste brain cells. avoid if you can. That or find a petition to STOP MICHAEL BAY directing the next one.

A great loss

David Eddings, perhaps one of the best fantasy writers of all time, sadly died on Tuesday and I just have to post something about this great man. Eddings was one of the very few writers I would have liked to meet in person. Even though its over used the word genius fitted him well and he seemed to keep his head. Eddings crafted his work with care and attention that out shines all his contemporaries. He knew exactly where the line was, how not to cross it and still make the story believable. Even though his work was strong fantasy, with Gods and Demons around every possible corner, his craft in characters and plot kept the reader grounded.

It's hard to describe exactly how big an impact this author had on popular fiction let alone me. There was a time when no matter where I went I could just pull out one of his books and jump into it. Their battered and dog eared pages lived in my coat's pockets for years and I still dive in once in a while, amazed at how he pulled plot threads together and kept it simple all the way though. 

There isn't anything more to say, well actually there's a lot but as with all great people you can never cover it all. Goodbye David Eddings, and commiseration's to his family 

Transformers 1986 movie

With the second live action Transformers film on coming I think is time for a couple of reviews. Here's the first. The 1986 Transformers G-1 movie.

Now, sadly, overshadowed by the massive, big box office, live action film the 80's movie is still better. Not just because it had wall to wall Transformers, or the fact that it went as afar as to introduce Unicron (The god of darkness). It's not the fact that within the first twenty minutes we basically have the Transformers version of the Somme, with the Decepticons raiding the Autobot City with shock tactics and really heavy explosives.

It's because Optimus Prime dies. He doesn't die of old age or from some epic sacrifice to save others. It's just a bloody great battle in which both he and Megatron both lose. In the battle the two of them throw their guns away and start hammering each other with fists and pieces of the shattered landscape. Finishing with an epic final blow and the heroic leader dying later of his wounds.

Megatron, as I said , has also lost. Or more accurately has been beaten to an inch of his life. Megatron is jettisoned by the ever traitorous Starscream and floats his way into Unicron's orbit. Now Unicron is a giant living planet that eats other worlds and is headed for the transformers home world. Voiced by Orson Wells Unicron is both awesome and menacing. He is concerned with the Autobot Matrix of leadership (a plot macguffin, deal with it) and rebuilds Megatron as the super-powerful Galvatron. The new Decepticon leader takes his new army of Cyclonus and the Sweeps to Cybertron ahead of Unicron. Where he kills Starscream and takes command of the surviving Decepticons.

The upshot of this is all our favourite characters are dead. Ostensibly to sell new toys but in the end its' killing off our childhood heroes and villains. We've lost just about everyone we have come to know over the last two years. Still that's not the end of the movie. It's just the first half hour! After the Decepticons chase the Autobots across the galaxy and back they finally get back to Cybertron where we find Unicron can transform into a giant robot. Following his instincts Hot Rod tracks down the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. Which Galvatron has  stolen from Prime's successor, Ultra Magnus. Unfortunately Galvatron is inside Unicron, so the big showdown ends inside the Titan. The story ends with Rot Rod taking the Matrix back form the Decepticon and opening it. Unleashing the one force that can kill Unicron and becoming the new Autobot's true leader; Rodimus Prime.

There's a lot more to it but you get the gist. As the story develops so do the new characters:- Galvatron becomes more and more powerful and mentally unstable, Ultra "I cant deal with that now" Magnus proves that no matter how good a soldier you can be a good leader needs more and Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime changes from a cocksure young man to a responsible leader of men. They grow up and learn something along the way.

So that's why I think this is a better movie. It's got the Autobots in it, opposed to cameo roles. They grow and change with the story. Become people we can relate to, even though they are robot aliens fighting planet sized robots with glowing balls of crystal. 

My big problem with the new film is that we spend far too much time following the human kid around. You don't like him, I can't find a single thing about LaBeouf's character that is endearing. The point of the human character is to give us a window into the Autobot's world, they explain things to him and we all learn what's happening. Instead of being this useful little plot device he's selling his family heirlooms for a chance to attract some bubble headed young woman he knows nothing about. That's his motivation, fantastic.

 

In this film we have exactly what we wanted. Giant robots beating the bolts out of each other and then we have a twist where the good guys can die. The result is exciting, fun, terrifying, soul destroying and a lot more fulfilling than the 2007 film. It's also a lot more adult in content, it deals with death on a serious level as well as sacrifice and why war is both horrible and, at times, necessary. 

Considering it's an 80's cartoon film made to sell toys that's saying something.