Wednesday 21 April 2010

Stargate Universe More on it

I am more amazed than ever that supposedly sensible right thinking people like SGU.

It's boring, dull, un-inventive and over all fucking irritating. I'm not going to apologise for swearing because times like this it's the only viable option. Every problem they come across is suddenly solved by the biggest Deux Ex Mechanic in the business (the ship did it, again) and the crap doesn't stop there.

For one will everyone stop pretending Fly on the wall cameras are a good idea. I got a bellyful from Cloverfield and BSG and those were years ago. The fad is over, thank you and good night. Now fork over £20 and buy a damn tripod to go with those hand held cameras. Failing that push the boat out and film on something that has the faintest whiff of professionalism and find someone to hold them still for more than five minutes .

Next, for those of you taking notes, draft some writers that haven't burnt out after 15 years of SG-1 and Atlantis. Sorry to say they've had their time. They did a good job back in the day but they're used up, all writers get that way after awhile. Give them a holiday and leave them out to pasture. After a quick rest, maybe a year or two, they can come back refreshed and contribute new ideas. Or advise the new guys on the direction planned and accept that it might have been a bad idea to begin with. Anyone remember Star Trek Voyager and Enterprise, where a lot of the same people involved in Next Gen stayed on. Remember what happened to those shows, how no matter what new twists they put on the concept it was stale and more than a little shit. Yep Universe is, to me, the Enterprise of Stargate. I like to pretend it doesn't exist.

Finally, and this is the biggy, give me people and characters to like! Don't make the women whores that sleep with anyone and the men selfish arrogant arseholes that put their own wants above... I don't know, surviving! I am NOT kidding here, one woman shags every man she meets on the ship. The amateur doctor went as far as having an affair with her CO and the senators daughter, not four days after her father spaces himself for the greater good (he was of course dying already so A:- he didn't have a choice and B:- he wasn't a main character), jumps the bones of a two timing lieutenant who has an illegitimate child with a third woman who was sixteen at the time and now works as a pole dancer to support the boy. This reads like a hackneyed Soap Opera. Then add the concept that the CO is trying to get back with his wife but his second in command is having an affair with her. I am left waiting for the line;- "Bobby-joe I went back in time and you're my daughter but I love ya. Our child will be raised in a wholesome family that loves one another. I don't mind that you had sex with that squid thing last week, Ah love ya baby." I'm not joking, I honestly expect that to happen sooner or later.

My overall anger at this show can only be expressed in two subtle and understated words "FUCK" and "OFF". This is badly written shit from start to finish, all drama, logic and indeed compassion is missing. Whole story lines, lasting multiple episodes, could be fixed if just one person showed a gram of common sense.

I admit I do like one person. Eli. The shy and nerdy geek. He's every sci-fi fan in this sort of situation, doing his best to keep his head above metaphorical water, but in the end he's useless. Doesn't contribute anything to the overall story and it feels like they are looking for something for him to do. At the moment he's the go between the command staff and the dysfunctional crew, because lord knows we can't have competent crew. The series would be a lot shorter if there was more than two brain cells to rub together across the whole lot of them.

Give me back Firefly, I miss it. In fact I'm going to dig out my DVD's and enjoy the show again. On the same subject I wouldn't mind Farscape getting another chance at a better ending, but don't get me started on that one...

2 comments:

  1. *sigh* I wholy disagree with this. All I'm going to say is that Doctor Who used a jammy dodger as a self destruct button. Yeh, because that's good sci-fi...

    You're just too cynical about everything, you over analyse everything, you, in the end, miss the point. You go along with the "british is best" attitude while slagging over anything that doesn't conform to your idea of it being good/original.

    I found SGU quite refreshing. Yes, it's a little bit of a mix between Voyager + Battlestar Galactica, but everything references/borrows from everything else anyway. I found it a lot more human. Relationships do start from weird situations, that's actually true to life. So people do fuck around, seek comfort in those kind of positions.

    For ages I've been saying SGU is ace, saying DW is wank, and this is clearly some attempt to 'have a go back' but if you go into a show over analysing anything, it's going to be crap.

    "give me people and characters to like!" All I'm saying is Greer.

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  2. Alright in DW's defence it was a bluff. There is no such thing as a TARDIS self destruct the doctor was just using it because he didn't have any weapons and had to use something to bluff his way into surviving. I don't knee jerk in the reaction of DW is awesome because it's British, it's good because it's imaginative, clever and on the rare occasions it does use camera trickery it's to enhance the story, not in spite of it. That is not to say it is without flaws and come the end of this series I'm going to do a serious head down overview. Looking at it from every angle I can.

    SGU is anything but refreshing. It's hackneyed crap in an artsy, pretentious wrapper. It revisits everything that was pointless and bad about BSG and Voyager and then tries to say it's being gritty and realistic. The fact is it's not, just wallowing in Soap Opera style shenanigans.

    As for my over analysing something I direct you to SF Debris, who I will now paraphrase:- if my thinking about it ruins the episode it's only proof that the person writing it didn't think.

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