Favourite companions

A quick article for Doctor Who fans, mostly to prove I'm still around. My favourite companions. A few weeks ago there was a poll to see who fans thought was the Doctors best companion.

Needless to say the "Tennent is dreamy" portion of the fanbase, that wouldn't know a classic who story if it sat on them and wouldn't watch anyway, because they forgot to put the colour on some of them which is, like so dull. You know. Voted Rose to number one, because they're made for each other and, like, so sweet together, you know.

Sorry. The concept of Rose winning something hurts. She's awful, absolute tripe and very much the brainless bimbo I just mimicked. Just to clarify; she, upon meeting the Doctor, abandons her traumatised boyfriend and recently attacked single mother to go galavanting across time and space. At her first chance she brakes the first law of time and proceeds to unleash The Reapers upon an unsuspecting universe. Reapers that eat everything, including the Doctor. She then brakes into the Heart of the TARDIS, rips into the time vortex and through her actions kills the Ninth Doctor.

I could go on, including the brain fart quality idea of building a Dimension Cannon and jumping between the worlds (that just happens to parboil any world that she happens to intersect with, flinging them into the Void, AKA Hell, along the way). I could bring up that the last time we see her she throws the actual Doctor aside for his half human copy, because she can have sex with him. But I won't because it's not worth it.

In all seriousness Rose is a total irritating snot that only distinguishes herself from the other bog standard female companions by being bloody awful. I beg people, forget about her. Now. Please.

So in honour of this total disaster I'm going to hammer through my personal favourite companions and just why I like them. We've got fifty years to go through so there are going to be a few rules:-

First, we're only looking at TV companions. No radio, book, comic or audio drama. I'd love to go though them, but I honestly haven't experienced them all and I can't say this one and that one just because those I do know about. Someone has to draw the line someplace and that's going to be here. Sorry Big Finish, you deserve props but I can't be fair otherwise. Second, a companion has to travel in the TARDIS at least twice. There have been companions and there have been reoccurring characters. There is a difference. A companion enhances the story, a reoccurring character is there as a nod to continuity more than anything else. Companions have to be recognisable to the basic viewer and not a nerd that memorises script readings. If I pull an obscure reference to the 60's series it would be sort of pointless. And finally third, it's only the top five I'm hitting here. Yep, only five. I don't want to be here all week outlining the two dozen or so people he's travelled with. So top five is all your going to get here.

Well almost. There are our three honourable mentions, just for the hell of it. These  break all of the above. They that don't quite fit with my own rules, but I think they deserve noting anyway for one reason or another. Here we go:-

Sergent Benton

I love Benton, he was great. For those that don't know he was Warrant Officer for UNIT and the Brigadier's right hand man during the Doctors UNIT days. He always got the short end of the stick, being the one responsible for making the Brig's orders a reality. Armed with a Sten Gun and an endless supply of vain hope he'd be the one to organise and often lead the charge.

Still every so often he'd get on over his superiors. Either noticing a slight hole in the Brigs plan, ('Sir, we know bullets don't work. Shall I have the men throw rocks instead) to outright outfoxing some self-serving civil servant.

Benton only entered the TARDIS once and never flew anywhere in it. So he doesn't fit in the rules. Despite this Benton was always the glue that held the UNIT team together and did so as only a british solder could.

Wilf

Wilfred Mott. How can you not love Bernard Cribbins. You can see how all the actors had to sep up their game to match him, it's always fun to watch that happen. Another thing you can see is how Cribbins had a lot of impact into his character. The more he showed up the more you got the man behind the acting. Funny, witty and often not caring how people saw him Cribbins and Mott both give the impression he's just in it for the laughs. Then, when things got serious, so could he. Taking the weight and responsibility needed. There's not much more you can say. A funny, resourceful, and an all-round great companion. Offering a human perspective to the Doctor and his actions. The true job of the companion.

He never left Earth in the TARDIS, just bounced around London. He did end up in space in an alien ship but not anywhere else. Sorry Wilf, don't qualify.

K9

It's a god damn remote control robot. I don't care if you love him or hate him, it's a robot dog portrayed by an over complicated RC car. If you hate him, you're hating an inanimate object. It's like hating a brick. Same if you like him. It's a testament to the Writers and the Actors (some of which hated the prop, for good reason) that it was still part of the ensemble. The prop would often spin out of control, break down, malfunction and generally create havoc. Leaving actors either sprawled on the floor or lifting it up on to tables just to keep it in shot. On the other hand K9 was the Doctor's computer. A portable multi-tool, sort of like a swiss army knife with a Calculator and a personality. During his travels with the Doctor K9 was the Sonic screwdriver of his era.

Unfortunately K9 isn't real, he's mostly crude special effects. I can't include him, but he is the main reason for these honourable mentions. 

Donna

My first reaction to Catharine Tate was "God no, no not again!". I hate, loath and despise stunt casting. It's pointless and is often just done for a promotional boost. Tate is more well known as a comedian and I can't begin to explain how much I hate her "comedy". It isn't funny. It's lowest common denominator humour, including a swearing granny and an ignorant school kid.

Still Donna proved that Tate could act. Not just act, but act well. Donna is one of the very few companions that actually evolved and developed over their span with the Doctor. She was integral to the overall plot and was fun. Donna showed a sharp human perspective and a close relationship with the Time Lord.

Unfortunately she was involved in End of Time. This means she is automatically thrown out of the list. I hate that two parter THIS much. Two words, the second is off.

On to the final five…

Number 5:- James McCrimmon

Jamie McCrimmon, Piper to the Clan McLaren, is one of the longest serving companions and there is a very good reason for it. He was brilliant. Not some wide eyed teenage girl who thinks everything is brilliant. Jamie was a fighter as much as the Doctor is a thinker. Whenever he's captured Jamie's first reaction is to draw his knife, his second is to hit it with a rock.

There has never been a companion more trustworthy than Jamie. Always ready to leap into action when needed, he'd be sarcastic with the Doctor sure but always do what was asked of him. 

Often referred to as "The Boy" Jamie always came second place. It not just recently that the Doctor has travelled with attractive young women. Each time the second one did Jamie spectacularly fails to get anywhere. He's always seen as the big, or little, brother, but that helps pull the whole family together.

Other than that it's hard to pin down why Jamie is so likeable, it's just that Frazer Hines, the actor behind the character, did such a good job you can't help it. It's important to note that whenever they brought the Second Doctor back for a special they always included Jamie, without fail. The two are inseparable and played off each other greatly. 

Speaking off…

Number 4:-  Romanadvoratrelundar

Romana. Ahh Romana. The first of the companions to match wit's with the Doctor and often win. As a companion the first Romana wasn't that impressive. In the space of a year she went from independent woman to girl hostage all together too quickly. Often dismissive of the Fourth Doctor's quirks she came to rely on him far more than her own wits. Still, because she was the first time we go to really know a Time Lady we also got to know more about the people the Doctor came from. She gave us a better idea of just how much a rogue the Doctor really was. We saw that he's not only a stranger to us, she helped show us just how much of an alien he is to his own people as well.

Then came the second Romana. Regenerating gave her and us a new perspective on how things were. She could now see the fun the Doctor had with his travels and joined in. In this persona Romana was very much there to learn from the Doctor. She was his trainee, learning more about how to survive in the universe out there, beyond the bubble that the Time Lords had created for themselves.

This was a great development. She was still clever in her own right, but saw the Doctor's experience as a resource to be tapped. As she became more comfortable with what she learnt Romana often took actions on her own that helped, leading up to her leaving the Doctor to find her own path with what she had learnt. This means that Romana grew and developed positively, a lot more than many that came before and several that have come since.

One of the big points in Romana's favour is the chemistry between Lalla Ward and the then Doctor, Tom Baker. Put simply it just works. No wonder they got married in the real world. 

Number 3:-Amy Pond

How can you not love Amy Pond. She's beautiful, passionate and well rounded. She's having as much fun as the Doctor with these adventures, laughing her head off, crying, running and treating it as a game. Thing is, it more or less is a game. Amy's life with the Doctor in it is a fairy tale. Rory might be her Prince Charming but the Doctor, well the Doctor is her playmate. He's the one who is always there to play the game. To run off with and be a child again without any real world problems.

This is addressed and again becomes part of the story as a whole. The arc plot comes out of the character and their interactions with everyone else, rather than just something that was tacked on to every episode. Amy's important to the overall story line. You could replace not companions in Classic Who stories with little impact on the plot, for example take Victoria from Tomb of the Cybermen and replace her with Tegan Nothing would happen. Replace Amy with anyone else and three years make no sense what-so-ever. Heck anyone could have taken Donna's role in Stolen Earth, just because she was the one to touch the hand doesn't mean Martha couldn't have been the one to do it, or Jack, or some random kid in the street.

Amy Pond is one of the best examples of continuity in recent Doctor Who and stands out amongst her fellow companions because she's important, very important to the over all story and plot.

Number 2:- Sarah Jane Smith

If the chemistry between Ward and Baker was important Sarah Jane needs a place on this list. Elisabeth Sladen was a fantastic actress that somehow knew how to get along with anyone. Be them Baker, Pertwee or the whole cast of her own spin off. No matter the era or the cast Sladen sold the part, she was Sarah Jane. Just as much as Tom Baker was, and still is, the fourth Doctor. There is no way around it.

As for the character, Sarah Jane was brilliant too. Again she was a strong female character that started of strongly and was along on the ride for the fun of it. She also provided a perspective for the Doctor. For the first time the companions opinion held weight with the Doctor, not just some random person. Offering ideas and possible solutions that, in fact, work. More often than not.

Romana might have been a trend setter but if it wasn't for Sarah Jane there wouldn't have been the foundation for her, or any of the other strong females in Doctor Who. Speaking of our, well my, number one…

Number 1:- Ace

Ace. The wise cracking, violent, teenage girl. On the run from her hated mother, sucked into a time storm by a secondary school experiment in explosives that went wrong and left on a floating prison (that just happened to be converted into a super market where people got frozen…) where she was left as a trap for the Doctor by the embodiment of an ancient evil from before the beginning of the universe…

Need I say more? That's her backstory, A backstory that we learn over her tenure with him.

All the other companions before led up to Ace. In more ways than one way she is the ultimate combination of all the companions I've listed above. Sophie Aldred's chemistry with Sylvester McCoy was perfect, the pair of them attacked their respective roles with gusto. Combine this with surprisingly strong writing (when given a chance) and Ace was great. As a character she easily came off as an adopted foster child to the Doctor. Often arguing with him when she felt he was wrong Ace wasn't perfect, she was human. Written as one and accepted as one.

A can of nitro 9 in one hand and bucket worth of issues in the other whole adventures in the final years of Classic Who dealt with what Ace was going though, and a the same time it never overshadowed anything else that was happening. Ace hit a balance that, even in the face of Amy Pond and all of the above, still shows people how to write for a companion

There is one more I have to bring up. He's not a companion according to my rules and some people argue that he's not one anyway but I can't not mention him. The Brigadier.

Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. Not only does he have one of the longest names in Sci-fi fiction the Brig, as he his known, has the greatest fake mustashe in history, the least military barnet you can possibly imagine and finally the most unconventional army in history.

The Brig has done it all with the attitude you can only get from being a serving officer. Founding UNIT, teaming up with five versions of the Doctor (seven if you include the First Doctor on the monitor in three Doctors and Dimensions in Time), and meeting a future version of himself. The Brig has, quite honestly, seen it all. From Daleks to Yetis, the Loch Ness Monster to giant robots re-enacting King Kong. All the while grouching about the utter uselessness of bullets. 

Always a professional, even when it doesn't work in the insane world he has to try and survive the Brig deals with things the only way he knows how. Shoot at it until someone gives him another option. He is the everyman that try his best yet somehow his attitude ends up disarming his opponents even better than he knows. Presented with a trained and experienced solder a lot of half baked lunatics or alien invaders panicked. His no nonsense approach also endeared him to the viewer. Playing the stereotype to the hilt, yet still believable.

Got a favourite yourself add it to the comments. Until then I'll see you september 1st with Asylum of the Daleks and the beginning of the end for the Ponds… 

TGWTG recent "issues" Open letter

The worst thing about this is I'm wadding in at the last minute, but I've just got to fire this off to both people involved. Lupa (AKA Allison) and Spoony (AKA Noah) In all perfect seriousness what in the blue **** just happened? Lets be serious here, guys I'm just a humble follower and I find both your works fun, often informative and very entertaining. You are both, in my opinion, clever, resourceful and witty people that I would like to hold a conversation with. So seeing what's been happening I'm absolutely stunned. I hope you both read BOTH parts to this to see that there is in fact a middle ground here. Noah, to quote: "you're tailspinning man" you really are. For about a year now you've been getting more and more vitriolic and a lot darker in your presentation. I know that what we see in your video is just a group of characters, but sometimes I think they're wrapped up a bit too much in the real you. On the other hand your tweets are not "in character" and those have been the true indication I might be right. You, of all people, have to admit what was said was insulting, offensive and in extreme bad taste. Now in private that's fine, but Twitter is a public arena and unfortunately so are you. Were a noted celebrity to make that comment, or a famous comedian try it, it would be all over the news. In fact I invite you to read up on what happened to two british "comedians" that made a rather unfunny phone call here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Russell_Brand_Show_prank_telephone_calls_row There are a lot of parallels here, and quite frankly you should be above that. The truth is you were in the wrong and should have apologised almost immediately. However, on the other hand… Allison, you rode that horse right into the ground didn't you? This was only meant as a joke, anyone could see that and while it was personally offensive there, perhaps, were other ways to deal with it? A Skype call or even a firm E-mail might have been better. From what I've followed on twitter and read on your blog you came very close to decrying Noah to be a witch and ordering him burned. Alright that's not true, but there were lots of other ways to handle it Especially as you had only a peripheral involvement at best. From what I can tell Hope had basically shrugged it off. Sure Noah damaged his reputation and lost respect from a lot of people, respect he can never get back, but how is this your issue? It's right to stand up for what you believe in and rape is never, ever funny. Even the threat is wrong. This is a crime that has long lasting and frankly disguising results ranging from massive physical damage (even permeant disfigurement) to life long psychological trauma. That is not something to take lightly and is deeply offensive to anyone who takes the time to acknowledge it. However this issue was blown up so out of all proportion simply because A:- Noah, a politely worded post on your site, admitting you were out of line, would have solved nearly everything and allow this wound to scab over. It wouldn't have cost you anything and would have gone along way. B:- Allison, its alright to be personally offended by something you find repugnant but there are ways to go about things. Flying off the handle as you did backs people into corners. Sooner or later they are going to turn on you and what happens is never pleasant. I know this has probably fallen on deaf ears because you have both backed into respective corners and are being bombarded from all sides but I had to make my points I do hope you read this and that at least some of it makes sense. I will continue to follow both of you and admire your work. Thomas

Bully the Movie

Bullying

Here's something interesting, at least to me. Bully the Movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1682181/

Basically somebody has realised that bullying is an issue that needs highlighting once again and has made a rather shocking (if of course you lived on the moon or were teachers) documentary showing a small sample of the abuse many alienated young people suffer.

Now I'm not going to go on into a long background about the movie, but there are a few points I want to make. First of all the MPAA, the gang over in America responsible for their rating system, gave it too high a rating for it's target audience (around 18, or their equivalent over there). Apparently it "contained scenes that may be shocking to younger people". I am forced to ask; what like? Teenage boys and girls being attacked by gangs, insulted and emotionally abused to the point were some go as far as to take their own life? Yes, that is something young children should be protected from… but hiding it away encourages it you feckless fools! That the MPAA did not know this tells me that they are among the hundreds of thousands out there that think just because they don't see it happening it doesn't.

Fortunately this rating has been effectively repealed and the film is now able to be seen by those that most need to see it. The problem is I don't think it can do much good and I have the experience to tell you why.

Now I'm not going to suddenly announce that I was one of the many victims, the fact is don't see myself as that. I can however emphasise. I was regularly bullied in school one way or another. At least twice, without warning, I was attacked and several times chased by groups. Once I was even knocked out, briefly. I regularly had gangs of all ages (even younger than I was) hound me, throwing out insulting nick names. Mostly plays on my last name Fishwick; these included Dick-wick, Fishy-dick and other obvious penis related jabs.

I am not saying I've had the worst of it, or that other people should just grow up and accept it but wasn't pleasant.

Other, more creative insults came about with rumours of me being sexually attracted to my own, then as now deceased, grandmother and Bea Arthur for some reason. People I did not know in the slightest would hound me after school with these taunts and others. When I responded (usually physically to their great amusement) it would be me that got in trouble with teachers for being violent. Again becoming some great cosmic joke.

Often leading to me losing my lunch times and being forced to remain in detention for an hour or more after school. On on occasion I was even held back a class because I lashed out during a lesson (a lesson I could not hear because I had four other pupils openly talking about my so called sexual habits). There were other problems, but I'm sure you get the idea.

This of course continued until I got to college. At which point I became the focus of a whole new level of amusement. My work with Scouts made me a pedophile, other people began asking obviously inane questions until distraction. Imagine being forced to tell the same moron that despite coming from a small town you do not in fact have six toes (all on one foot) and that you're not married to a sister you do not have.

None of this made me suicidal, but I can understand how people could fall into despair. Especially without support. I also know I am not alone out there in the big wide world. The problem is there is no easy fix, one movie no matter how powerful can change it and there is one simple reason why.

Social structure.

We are naturally a social animal. We gravitate towards those we feel connected to, either through shared opinion or occurrences. We make friends who we feel comfortable around because we can talk to them and we avoid people we can't. As a people we humans need that structure, that society and that bond. Without it we all feel that most painful and obscure hurt. Loneliness.

This is where bulling comes from, people seeking to establish their own friends the only way they can think, by alienating someone else. Bullies are so afraid of the loneliness they see in others that they go out of their way to stop it. Causing it wherever they go because if they stop they are terrified they will become the bullied. Literally shouting at the top of their voice everyone else's problems, so no one will look to closely at their own.

Highlighting this alone isn't going to help anything. It's primal, rooted so far down that we can't pull it out. Our only hope is to acknowledge it, face fear and ignorance head on and battle with it. This is why people ignore it, because they don't want to see it in themselves. This is why they do it, because they are the one's that are too afraid to accept who they are. I have seen people change their whole personalities to fit in

This is why I pity them, not myself. I'm glad to be unique, not one of the crowd. I'm not afraid of who I am. A short, irritating know it all with bad teeth, short temper and an attitude to match. I am me in defiance to all those people and I actually think them for that.

Before I sign this off thI do want to say two things. I don't know if we're going to get this film over here (UK) but if you're in the US support it as best you can. Despite my reservations. I might not sound wholly positive about the out come but I have been wrong often and very rarely have I wanted that to be proven more than I am here.

Second is to repeat the thing I said when my mother and I had a meeting with my teachers about the whole thing. My tutor said:- "Thomas has difficulty communication with his peers." I responded by looking at the moron and saying "You're not calling those people my peers are you?"


Thomas

The great debate.

Oh boy

Thank you William Shatner, you have waded into the oldest and most impossibly stale argument in geekdom and you've kicked off a new phase in the war. For those of you that don't know Shatner did an interview on his youtube page saying Star Trek was better than Star Wars.

Of course he was going to say Star Trek. There are two reasons for this, both are that it's William god-damn Shatner. The only thing more legendary than his acting is his planet sized ego. Anyway Carrie Fisher decided to open a Youtube page herself and challenge that.

Meta, an investigation.

Meta, an investigation.

Oh dear, this is something percolating in the background of geek culture and has been for sometime. Meta-fiction, literally meaning "beyond fiction". So far beyond that it's almost abstract.

But just what the hell does that all mean? Well not much is the short of it, but the long is a real twisted story. There are about three different levels to Meta-fiction, each one coming about through different means. So lets start in the shallow end:-

The first level is an in-joke. Something that the writer, or director, puts in for a gag. Like Alfred Hitchcock's cameo's, or Bruce Campbell's cameo's in the Spiderman films. They can often just be one liners, a character quipping that something like that would only happen in a bad TV show. Or even the cylon in the title sequence of The A-Team. In someways a gag like this pulls you out of the fiction, taking you out of the story. In others it flags up the point that it only a story after all, and because we're in on the joke it puts us at ease.
Meta in-jokes are fun and if pulled off just right add to the over all experience. We're put on the same level as the creator, we're interacting with whats happening and feel like we're being let in to the Writer / Directors confidence. Of course if they're pulled off wrong it's just a cheap sting.

The second level is what I like to think of as The Great Game. Bringing the fiction into reality. This sort of started with Sherlock Holmes, but it's also found in stuff like Bernard Cromwell's Sharp series. This "level" deliberately blurs the lines between fact and fiction. Taking historical events and weaving them into the story, bringing up something like September 11th is a good example. Not in metaphor, but directly and having it as a motivation for a characters actions as was done in Farscape at one point.
Blurring the lines like this really adds a sense of realism to a story. The Scream films used this sort of meta-fiction perfectly. By acknowledging the codes and conventions of horror films, making classic horror films fiction in story, we felt like we were on the same level as the characters. That they were real people and not the bland ignorant cyphers of the previous twenty years.
That's the point of this level, blur the lines and you make fiction more real. Throw in a few twists and you make the characters people we can relate to. This doesn't always work but it can be very interesting to see pulled off.

The third though, well let's jut say it's mindfu*k time! The third level is what happens when the fiction acknowledges that it is fiction. It's literally having a character going on a quest to find god and meeting his Writer / Creator. In this you all sorts of questions, with the Character asking fundamental questions about their own existence and why. This was done to great effect in Grant Morrison's run on Animal Man, which I highly rate. Another point with this level is it often pulls the other two in with it. Littering the story with real world references and history. Stargate's two hundredth episode featured a writer coming to the team looking for ideas for scripts! The episode was littered with so meny in jokes and stings that it was all one big gag.
Take look at another of the corner stones of this level, Yes Virginia, There Is A Hercules, from Hercules:- The Legendary Journeys. In fact, for god's sake do. It's one of the three episodes that makes that show worth while. While on the surface it's just a clip show the framing device is so meta (ironically a Greek word…) that it makes your head spin. We see the production team, played by the main cast in exaggerated roles, fighting amongst themselves and we have the Greek gods appear to them, in character and with all their powers. The sting of this episode is even more barmy. Kevin Sorbo arrives to defeat the Gods, saying that he really is the greek demi-god and Kevin Sorbo is a cover.
This level of meta-fiction doesn't just blur the lines between one fiction and another, but flat out crushes them all, even those between fiction and reality, completely. It's like taking a bulldozer to the actor's forth wall and then detonating it with a truck full of C4. Almost anything can happen when you wheel this out, from George Lucas meeting Darth Vader to the TARDIS landing in the middle of the Doctor Who set!
With this level you can either have fun, or ask some of the most difficult philosophical questions you'll ever see. Either way the audience will be equally confused and enthralled.

So, in summation, Meta-fiction is a way to blur the lines between fiction and reality, in storytelling, to enhance the experience for the audience. That was the short version if anyone asks!

All hallows.

All hallows! An investigation:-

It's been a while since I posted, mostly because I've been busy but otherwise I've not had much to say. But there is one thing that's interesting me. Halloween.

Halloween, lot's of people seem to be excited by it:- "Oh it's my favourite Holiday!" "I love Halloween!" "So what are you doing for Halloween" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas is my favourite film of all time Evar!" It never hit me why, alright it's a good film, but why does everyone get so excited by Halloween? I've never really understood it and I think I know why.

Of all the holidays it's the most social. Now I'm not a social animal, mostly I keep to myself in the pub or those that know me. I hate loud parties (what few I've been to) because I always seem to end up the loner on the corner. Cringing at the oppressive, and crap, music and wondering why I'm surrounded by people I can't relate to. So I've identified why I don't rate Halloween. Why do other people rate it higher than, say, Easter or Chinese New Year?

It's because the others aren't social, well not really. They're always family things. Christmas has become that time where we have to dust off the address book and contact relatives you haven't heard a thing from for 12 months. Or long car journeys to old friends that you no longer have anything in common with and can't quite understand why. New Years is more a case of getting drunk and shouting a lot. The parties are always at someone's house, or with some work buddies that you don't know socially.

As for Easter, well that's on it's last legs. Remembered for chocolate eggs and the fact you get some extra days off work.

Most, if not all of the non christian celebrations are ignored when it comes to time off work or celebration outside of themselves.

So in the end we get halloween, the one last party all the evil sprits get before all Hallows. Their banishing before winter winter sets in. That's the origin of it and some how, while that's been mostly lost this simple little pagan festival has survived it all. Religion, mis-information and even crass commercialism to be the one night of the year we all have a good party.

So if you're going to enjoy yourselves, dress up as a witch and party more power too you. Me, I'll be the loner in the pub.

One last thing before I go:- An interesting point about Easter, it's the polar opposite of Halloween. Originally another pagan festival, celebrating the start of life in the year. Hence the bunny's Eggs and everything else.

Black Holes

I am not one of the worlds great physicist, I'm not even one of the worlds great spellers, but I like to think I have a brain. So when watching a documentary on Steven Hawking and his view on Black Holes I was painfully reminded why I didn't take up hard science as a career.

Black holes are amongst the most powerful forces in nature, capable of crushing whole stars and indeed solar systems while being no larger than a pea. This is thanks to the frankly silly amount of mass compacted, with a staggering amount of densely, into a small space. We use metaphors like "sucking" and "trapped" when in reality it's just another way of "falling". Now, according to Hawking, once matter has passed what is called the event horizon (a mathematical, not physical, edge to the Black Hole) it would be impossible to stop falling. The problem is what happens next.

Now according to most people there are two possible arguments. The first states that all the matter in the Black Hole eventually vanishes. Just that, vanish, cease to exist. According to Hawkins this is what happens and it breaks just about every rule in the book. Matter is simply organised energy and one of the basic rules out there is that energy (and thus matter) cannot be created or destroyed. only converted. The theory flat out tells us that in a Black Hole the forces involved supereed the laws of physics. Unfortunately, if this is true, it leads to a problem. Black Holes are so powerful and so immense that the universe just couldn't exist, as we know it does. It would have been sucked up long long ago. There are just that many of the blasted things out there. Now a good number of Physicists have also noticed that and come up with the only solution, Black Holes are finite and do eventually stop.

But what happens to the matter they sucked up? When those forces end, a good question itself is how, what happens. Now Hawking's theory tels us... nothing happens. After all if the matter and energy no longer exists then neither do the forces that they exert. It wraps up the problem in a nice little bow. The problem is, of course, without matter, little things like Existence itself would have been destroyed long ago.

Now a good number of other, less famous thinkers, suggest that doesn't happen. They suggest that the Black Hole eventually traps itself. With nothing escaping matter just continues to spiral deeper and deeper into itself and that's it. The Black Hole stops exerting forces and collapses. The key to this is a little loop hole in Hawkins math that points out that a Black Hole produces heat. Incredible amounts of heat that just bleeds off into space.

Now as this documentary tried to explain this I paused it got up and ranted at a wall for an hour. The reason for this is simple, either I'm seeing something 99% of the most brilliant people in the world haven't or I'm missing something fundamental. The problem is because I'm coming from it with the basics and not convoluted, unproven, math and vague imagery I don't think I'm tied up in the decades of linear thinking these people have caved out for themselves.

Heat, much like light and matter and anything else, cannot escape a Black Hole. If the forces inside are creating more and more heat in a denser and denser point there can only be one solution. The forces acting within would have to reach a critical point where there is more energy inside trying to get out than there is gravity pulling it in. The more a Black Hole absorbs the more energy that would be eventually produced. The result would be, what people once suggested could be called, a White Hole. Or, put more simply, kaboom. An enormous kaboom. The matter, once trapped, would break forth and well miniature big bang is the best description I can come up with.

There is obviously a complex and elaborate theory that states I'm wrong. If some one, anyone, has it please tell me. Otherwise I'll return to Sci-Fi reviews and fan fiction as soon as possible